So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
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