After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Those nachos came to me in a dream
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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