yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
