Me. At least after what I've been through.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
