Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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