You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
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