I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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