i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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