I can text with my tongue
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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