I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
