Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
