In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
