Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
