If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
How's work?
Spinning.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
