drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
