Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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