he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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