just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
When are your genitals available?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
