I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
