last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
