I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
