Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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