Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
