When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize