Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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