I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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