the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
