When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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