My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
