i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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