My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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