Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
