Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize