I looked at my own cervix.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
