8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Holy shit dude........stairs
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
