Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
whose ass print is on the piano?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
