how can u be prego again
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
