i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
