haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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