If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
it was like his penis was on wheels.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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