What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize