so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
