operation harelip BJ is a go
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
