Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Randomize
