well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
