You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
