a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
