ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
