he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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