Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
