benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
