Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
