Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(214): View more from Texas

I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute

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(201): View more from New Jersey

Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...

(1-201): View more from New Jersey

ok, come over...I have doritos

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(402): View more from Nebraska

What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.

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(720): View more from Colorado

Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.

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(614): View more from Ohio

Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....

(614): View more from Ohio

We've got ourselves a situation

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(303): View more from Colorado

okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.

(785): View more from Kansas

again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.

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(714): View more from California

i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick

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(850): View more from Florida

Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.

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(908): View more from New Jersey

but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.

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