as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
