Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
