Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
