i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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