A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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