I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize