If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
