If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
