i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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