Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
