i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
