strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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