I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize