I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
