I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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