he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize