this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
