Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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