We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
