You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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