he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
