He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
