Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
