you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
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