Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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