so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
