My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize