I'll bet she douches with gravy.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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