So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
