Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
