When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
