How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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