I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
