stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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