She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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