I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
