there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
