so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize