I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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