im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
