just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
