Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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