That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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