singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
