I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
