I got chris browned last night
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
