i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
